#100DaysOfCode Day 30: I almost wasn’t a developer…
In a world full of social media it can be easy to get down on ourselves. Understandably, many of us don’t want to put our struggles out into the world, and, whether inadvertently or not, this creates a distorted worldview for all of us. We are caught up witnessing everyone’s best moments while being completely oblivious to people’s trials and tribulations and what they did to get through the struggle to reach those best moments. I see people’s wins highlighted every day but I rarely see losses and what it took to get there. Today I want to take some time to highlight some of my losses, how they affected me, and what I did to work past them.
This challenge
Let’s start small. Originally I planned to do this challenge for 100 days straight. Well, I failed. When I saw this hashtag being used, this challenge didn’t necessarily come with any written rules. But it was my goal to try to post for 100 days straight. Well, I didn’t. After completing the final assessment and final project for module 3 I completely checked out from coding. I haven’t touched code in a few days and I haven’t written for this challenge in over a week. Honestly, I am completely okay with this. I have been going hard with 70 hour work weeks since February 1st. Although there was a nagging feeling during the break that I should continue to blog every day, I understand self-care is important. I also understand I am about to go into my last six weeks of school and be very busy again. So I am okay with taking some time for myself. I could keep beating myself up for not blogging but why? This is something extra I decided to do myself for fun. So I will just pick up where I left off and keep going.
Computer Science in College
I have talked about this failure before in this challenge. I attempted to give programming a try when I switched majors in college to Computer Science. It didn’t go very well. Actually, it went terribly. The program was designed to weed out those who were on the fence about programming and I was very much one of those people. Trying to learn calculus and C++ within my first semester of college proved to be too much for me. I didn’t have the tools to deal with struggles productively as I do now. After having a rough few months, I transferred out of Computer Science before the semester was over. I was crushed. This was the first time imposter syndrome got the best of me and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I had taken honors courses all throughout high school and never failed a class. Struggling academically made me question what I was really capable of. To work past this I chose to study something else I was also passionate about. I switched from Computer Science to Psychology to study the human mind and what makes it tick.
Applying to Turing
I almost didn’t come to Turing. I failed the initial interview. In order to be accepted into Turing, you are required to complete an LSAT-style logic problem out loud in front of two instructors. When I asked Turing how to study for this test, they were a bit vague. I was told to google some logic questions which didn’t really help much. I found a couple of resources with free information but there were limited amounts of practice questions to work on. When I went into the initial interview, I didn’t really know what kind of problem to expect. I bombed the test. All those feelings of imposter syndrome came rushing back to me. Maybe I am not cut out for this? Maybe I am not smart enough? Maybe there is something else that will make me happier?
When you bomb the assessment, you have six weeks before you can take it again. I was determined to try again so I changed my strategy. This time I bought a book “LSAT Logic Problems for Dummies” and used that as my study guide since the free online tools were not helpful the first time. I also time blocked my schedule to document when I was going to practice logic problems each day. After six weeks, I signed up for another interview assessment and crushed it. All it took to get past this failure was a change in strategy, some hard work, and a little belief that I could do it.
Failing Mod 2 (almost twice)
After being accepted into the program I was very relieved — I made it! Only one problem: now you have to pass. And oh, if you don’t pass, you have to retake the mod again. And if you don’t pass the second time, you are asked to leave the program. Oh yikes! Okay, no big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal, I’ll cross the bridge when I come to it.
Well, I came to it. And it sucked. I failed the second mod. I was both happy and sad at the same time. I was happy I had another opportunity to learn what I missed. But I was scared of what it meant if I didn’t pass the second time. What if I fail? Who is going to hire someone who failed out of a boot camp? Probably no one, I thought.
And it got even worse, I failed the final assessment of my retake mod as well. I was extremely close to being asked to leave the program. Luckily, I was given a retake final and passed that retake assessment — whew!
In order to get past this struggle, I did exactly what I did when I failed the initial interview. I changed my strategy. But this time I also reached out to people who had been in my shoes. I used those people to practice and get better at doing logic problems. Those people were instrumental in me passing this module — shout out to my mentor Nathaniel, my rock Connor, and my study buddy Lacy!
Losing a Business
It’s hard to admit it but I wouldn’t be at Turing if I didn’t fail at starting a business. Before Turing, I was a Realtor. I spent the last five years of my life putting my time and energy into something that never came to fruition. The first few years were great. But 2018 was rough for me and everything started to fall apart pretty quickly. I gave every last dollar I could into that business before I had to make the decision to do something else. Part of me is mad I didn’t have a little more time or money to get it to where I wanted it to be but that is life. I could have kept going and gambled my house, my stability, and my future in hopes that I could build the business to where I wanted. But I chose to look elsewhere. Once covid hit, it was clear I should look for employment that doesn’t require me meeting as many people as possible for work. Coding seemed like it would be a good fit for me and here I am.
Summary
If Turing didn’t work out, I might have walked away from programming for good. In all of these situations, my strategy to deal with adversity came down to two main actions: reframing how I thought about the issue and changing my strategy. Reframing how I thought about the issue allowed me to either move past imposter syndrome or find new, even better opportunities. Iterating my strategy was critical in getting past the technical challenges.
When celebrating our victories, it is important to look back to remember the struggles and see how far we have come. It can be easy to forget the failures that are crucial to the success we see.
